I hope I'm not like that when I'm drunk...

I almost got raped last night... luckily for me the would be offender was a 5'2” drunk as hell lady in her 40's-50's who wouldn't even have been standing if I hadn't helped her up and out of the snowdrift she was laying in... so fighting her off was only slightly less simple than letting go of her.

It all happened when I was walking home from my parents' place after the second day of helping my dad upgrade his computer to Windows 7. I had just gotten across the town square and behind the local bodega when I saw her laying there on the sidewalk.

I looked at her for a few moments before I figured it couldn't hurt to help the lady up. She was pretty obviously of Greenlandic descent and reeked of beer. After she had gotten up she held on to my hand and started spewing nonsense with barely understandable phrases strewn in there for good measure.

She started telling me about a cousin of hers, that she was looking for and I asked her who her cousin was, to which she answered something along the lines of Susanna Olson Rasmusson which didn't make much sense on account of the two different last names.

I then asked her where I could find this cousin of hers, to which she replied something about her cousin living with a car/ufo repairman (yes... a u.f.o. repairman, I had her repeat that a few times just to be sure).

She then told me that I was either the ufo repairman or her cousin (not quite sure at that point... she was starting to talk too fast to make out individual words), then she told me not to hit her a few times and then she tried to kiss me... I did not let her.

After that situation had blown over, she said that she'd pay me a 1000 kroners (approximately 200 dollars) to find the ufo-repairman... either that or that she had to pay a 1000 kroners to the ufo-repairman.

When I tried to ask her again where I could find her cousin she told me she wouldn't tell me, or that she didn't know... her consonants left a lot of room for interpretation.

So I got her off of me so I could walk away and call the police, thinking maybe they could find a place for her to sleep it off without her freezing to death.

While talking with the much more eloquent lady at Naestved police station I met my second would be rapist of the night... yes... while I talked with the lady on the phone an orange cat started vigorously humping my left leg while I vigorously tried to ignore it... in hindsight, it might have just been trying to keep warm, anyways it was gone by the time I got off the phone.

While I was on the phone another group of people had apparently helped the drunk lady into the local bodega (now why didn't I think of that? (sarcasm)).

So with all that over with I finished my trip home and took a bath before making myself a snack, writing this and going to bed.

What's your favorite ”right-before-bed-snack”?